First post in a long time

It's been so long since I've posted.

I'm going to post a letter I wrote to the person who owns the land rights of the community garden I was part of.

Hello,

I’m writing to explain why I have been less involved with Prospect Farm. It is hard for me to share this story which is why I kept it in for so long. 

After the long term planning committee met last March, I felt that we were able to come up with actionable next steps in meeting the goal of starting to plan for the future of Prospect Farm. I was elated. I felt part of a community and felt as if I were welcomed to a team of passionate people. A few days later, Jo asked me out for drinks. I was happy that she asked me to hang out because I had parent teacher conferences that day which were exhausting, so I was happy that a friend had wanted to destress with me. Or so I thought. As soon as I sat down she wanted to talk about the meeting we had earlier that week. At first she apologized for being aggressive at the meeting, to which I said it was fine even though I didn’t realize that she was aggressive in any way. She then continued to lecture me for two hours. 

She told me that I was coming to Prospect Farm with a hidden agenda. She accused me of trying to take control of the garden and profiting off of it. She told me that during our long term planning meeting I had refused to listen to other people’s perspectives and that I should ask more questions. She said that I didn’t know what I was doing, that I didn’t know how to raise the money needed to save Prospect Farm, that I was trying to bring programming to the farm that no one wanted and that the programing - events, learning opportunities, etc - would not be helpful in the future of Prospect Farm. She told me that I should accept that the farm was going to fail and that I should just let it go. She said, “I’m not going to be anyone’s secretary,” and that, “If the farm changes then I’m gone, I’m leaving.” She asked me what my thoughts were and when I started to share she cut me off and continued to accuse me of being nefarious. At one point I try to cut her off because I wanted to try to clear up some misunderstandings to which she put out her hand in front of my face and strongly said, “Please let me finish. Please let me finish,” until I was shut. Then she continued accusing me of trying to take control and bring structure, etc. 

I left that night feeling confused, ashamed, and scared. At first I tried to ignore it, maybe take the feedback and work better with Prospect Farm. But event today I can’t shake the feeling of embarrassment and fear that I have of her. Prospect Farm started as a place of healing for me, a place of community for me. But after that meeting with her I felt more and more afraid to be in the garden. I felt more and more uneasy being in Windsor Terrace. 

I held this story to myself for many reasons. One reason is that my fear stems from how often black and brown people are portrayed and thought of as being nefarious. I’m afraid of what actions she might take against me since I’m sharing this story with you all. I wanted to share this with you all now to get it off my chest and so that I can start to heal from it. I wonder how many other people she has treated in the same way. I’m not sure if I can move forward with being part of Prospect Farm even with an apology since I don’t know who will be on her side on this. 

Thank you, 

Aaron